My usual feelings

I wrestle with a certain set of feelings nearly constantly and I pray that God will deliver me from them because they are negative and depressing. I feel trapped. I want to be solely a husband to my wife and hopefully fairly soon a grandpa.

Where I feel trapped is that I cannot be simply a husband because I made the decision to be a father/guardian out special needs l title girl. I struggle so badly because I deeply love that little girl yet I do not want to keep taking care of her. She’s had a tough life so far and I want to make the rest of her life better but I also don’t want to be around her. She has reactive attachment disorder which gives her extremely difficult behavior to deal with. The toughest ones for me are complete defiance and the lovely pooping and peeing on the carpet.

There are days like today where I just want to run. I just want to escape the poop, pee and screaming. My wife also has a way of arguing which has grated on me since we were first married and makes discussion of subjects where we disagree nearly completely useless. I want to escape the anxiety, the anger and feeling useless in both my relationship with our little one and my wife.

2 thoughts on “My usual feelings

  1. My friend, I have not had to deal with a dependent in that fashion. I pray that God will through His omnipotent power grant your supernatural patience and grace in walking through this. As God replied to Paul when Paul asked that his thorn in the flesh be removed, “My grace is sufficient for you”. It might sound cliche, but leaning into God in times of distress and fraying of spirit allows Him to poor His anointing all over you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you brother. It’s not cliche. I need to hear it constantly. I’m also struggling with my own bipolar disorder which was made much worse by my accident. So traumatic brain injury and bipolar don’t mix well. I love following your blog and I would covet your prayers.

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